I have felt the ego sting twice now. Once I was having supper and my husband cut up my food before bringing it to me. I felt like a toddler or geriatric. My husband was just getting the stuck on food off the bottom to help me, but it had such a visceral response. I acknowledged how silly it was and it passed quickly.
The second instance my OT came for a home visit and her and my husband went into the master suit to discuss some possible changes as I ate my lunch. At first I was happy as I got to eat in peace. But, when they did not come out for what felt like 15 minutes, I began to feel like I was a patient and they where talking about me as if I was unable to participle in my own wellbeing.
Of course they did not know it made me feel like this. Ironically, my husband does the talking for me anyways as I often can not focus to explain or I forget stuff. I also ramble on and on so it is best if he talks and I am on the sidelines with my thoughts added as they come up, briefly.
I thought to myself how strange a turn my life has taken, and how unexpected these feelings are as I navigate the disability waters. I recorded these embarrassing moments to help others at the beginning of their journey’s reflect on the ego’s role in disability as reality.