My body is unable to do much of what I used to identify with, yoga and running. My mind however is still sharp. I still want to learn and I still read as much as I can. I still love to teach and help women feel good about themselves and live their best life. I still have my thumbs in so many projects I don't really know which way I am going, (laughter) but I know it will all figure itself out.
I have no desire for fame or fortune. I have everything I want and need. My husband and four fur babies are all I need. I love my cats, everyone knows that. I would save them all if I could. We bought our acreage with the hopes to have a cat sanctuary after my husband retired. Of course, all this was before I was diagnosed. Everything has changed now. Everything is more about what I can not do than what I can do. That is all on me. That is just where I am right now.
It is really hard to go from a Type A personality, a go getter, a mover and shaker... to suddenly putting yourself into bed over the smallest thing. I do not know how to adjust to this, but I almost killed myself so I better learn how fast. I don't know how to live anymore. I need help. I look but I do not see things for my condition. I want to create still, and work, yet have to do it within this sort of bubble of restrictions.
I know in the end none of it matters so the amount of energy I put is always weighted against that. What do I need to feed my soul and enjoy life, yet is totally unnecessary and I am vividly aware of that. Others may love it and eat it up and I am happy for them, but I know it's nourishment only for a temporary period and will soon fall away.
Everything has changed. I have changed.