Now I have been in my bed for the last 2 years. On good days, I make it to my wheelchair which I have had about a year now. Outings have been limited to doctor’s appointments. I am amazed that I have not lost my mind being cooped up, unable to be social. But I read. Thank God for the internet. My view out the window is pastoral and the cows and sheep grazing calm me. My four cats are my life. My husband is a saint. So, life is good.
It is good because of my imagination. My memories keep me. I am so grateful for the time I got to travel. Europe was incredible and Rome was my favourite place. It is vivid in my mind. I went twice. First with my husband, I threw a coin in the fountain and as the fates promised I made it back again. The food. The wine. The art. The history. The architecture. The sculptures, the fountains, the water. Beauty, history and awe all in one place. It is magnificent.
Once one of my UNB professors told me that I had, “Already accomplished more in my lifetime then most people do in their entire lives.” I guess he was right. For that I am grateful. Thank God I did not wait until I was older to do anything. Who would have known that at my prime, at 33, I would be struck down by ill health? I went from running and doing yoga for over a decade to hardly being able to get out of bed. It puzzled doctors and scared me and my husband. I was a Type-A workaholic and perfectionist; I did not have kids because I didn’t want to. I loved my life. It was, for all intensive purposes, perfect.
Now I have beautiful things I can not use, clothes and jewelry that sit put away, my beauty routine even falling away as illness takes more from me. Who am I if I am not the thin, pretty, smart lady? Who am I if I can not fit into my fashionable clothes and accessories styled in attempts to even make Coco Channel proud? My lips are red, my hair is glistening and long… but no more. Now it is a chore to even wash my face with minicell water and a cotton pad, 7 swipes. How far I have fallen.
When people say health is the greatest wealth we all nod, agree, as if we understand. You do not understand. You can not understand. Until you have your life taken away from you in pieces you can not imagen what you would give financially to have your health back. But, it is not like that. Charlatans may claim it is so, but all you will part with is your money. If fate has it that you are in this position of reduced health, your energy is best spend being grateful for what you still have, and for taking notice of who your true friends are.
My unicorn is ready to take me to the mermaids to sail with the Vikings. I am kidding. I am not that senile …yet. But, I should rest. Be grateful, do not think it could not ever be you.