Upon getting the rough sketch of my life up on this website, I realised wow, what an awesome life! I would be jealous and impressed with myself, if this wasn’t me and I was looking through someone else’s eyes. But, this is my life, and bam a huge sense of gratitude washed over me. See, life looks better online. Because you are only seeing the end result: the payoff. What you are not seeing is the trial and errors, the struggles, the failure, betrayals, pain and suffering. (Which, I have had my share of.) This makes me think of the quote by Khalil Gibran that I found deep comfort in the first time I heard it:
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."
So, I suggest if you are feeling down, to look at your life as if you are designing a webpage, you just might be surprised at all the success that is presently being unrecognized. A gratitude practice is a great way to develop awe for your own life and its beauty. Every night record 3 things in a small book and at the end of the year see the treasures you have in your life.
It took me until I was nearly 30 to believe I was pretty. Now, I can finally look in the mirror and think to myself, “damn, I look good today.” Not as a mantra or affirmation, but actually feel and believe it. Now that is wonderful. I was raised to not think highly of myself, and was taught that compliments should roll off you like water off a ducks back, least you get conceited. Well, there is a big difference between Ego and Love, and it is good to love yourself. Now when I get a compliment I say “thank you”, and feel it as an inner glow. Ironically, when I had the flawless yogi body on my 20's I didn’t think I was pretty and I wanted to still lose weight. Now I feel good about myself, and my body is now a decade older, with more weight and the physical perfection of youth is fading, yet, I think I look good. There is something about being comfortable in your skin that is sexy, and that has no age boundaries.
I can now say I am pretty, I am smart, I am creative and I am talented, and it is not from a place of Ego, as I feel we are all these things and more, we just have to recognise it. I am cheeky, sassy, forward and funny. I am going to write as I think and talk on this blog, and I hope that those who don’t know me know this: I am not conceited, I am happy, and self esteem is a good thing that everyone should have. It is funny how we don’t listen to our best friend or mother when they tell us nice things. But, after years of hearing compliments from a variety of people, I have finally come to see myself through others eyes, and for that I am grateful and indebted, to pass it on to others. I hope my writing can achieve that. To all the people in my life that helped me grow into who I am now, I thank you.
Today’s take home message: Never be jealous as you have no idea what someone else has been through or is going through in life. There will always be someone who has it better than you, and worse than you, so look at neither. Instead make every day about being better than the self you were yesterday. Focus on gratitude and watch your life blossom.