Don’t know what you want to do with your life? Bullshit; you are telling yourself a story of why you can not do what you want. You might be right. You might not have the money (yet), you may be “too old or too young,” (so what?!) you may have already invested so much in X (relationship, a degree, a business). It does not matter.
I know this because I always knew what I wanted and I went for it and I did not stop until I got it. At 21, without my parent’s support, I opened my own salon downtown and bought a new luxury condo within walking distance. I did not even own a car!
But the truth is my first choice was university, but I didn’t know what I wanted to study and I didn’t know how to get the money. I didn’t know you take a spread of intro classes to find out what you like, and I didn’t know about student loans! Not only did I not have my parents support for education, they actively discouraged university, and encouraged a trade (my mom) or early marriage (my dad).
When I moved across the country with my husband at 30 years of age I was not about to go work for someone in a salon! Off to UNB I went. It was awesome. Best three years of my life! I was so in my element. I was on top of the world. I had the life people wanted to grow up and have.
Then I got sick. Really really sick and it never got better. I was so scared. I took a semester off thinking I would go to a bunch of specialist appointments and they would tell me what is wrong, and more importantly fix it. It took 1 year for them to tell me the first thing that was wrong. It took 3 years before I really knew what was going on, and I was diagnosed and told that there was no cure. Heck they do not even know what the cause is for either thing.
So for the first time in my life I did not know what to do! What can a Type A person who loves to work do when they can’t do anything. I mean literally can not. Not “can’t” in the way you whine about the dreams you “can’t” achieve. I mean can’t because your body literally can not let you. My body is essentially on pause. I possibly did all the yoga, running and pilates I am going to do in my lifetime in the decade I did these workouts.
Do you think this stopped me? No, I stupidly tried. I got everything else I wanted through pushing through, through hard work, why would this be any different?! Well, it was different. The only way to even survive—not win—but survive was to rest. To do nothing. I didn’t know how to do nothing. So I thought “Eh, an online business, I can do that!” I spent 1 year killing myself hunched over a laptop. Then I realised this is not happening, I am in so much pain I can’t keep going. Like the last mile of the race can not do this to myself anymore…
I took 2 weeks off. That was uncomfortably refreshing. I took a month off. That was bliss.
So 2017? I am taking the year off. Yup. My goal is NO work. Nothing. Nothing at all.
So does writing this blog break the rule? I have not decided yet. I figured as long as I write when I want to, not because I am keeping a marketing calendar, it might be okay.
I am now in that spot so many people find themselves in, the “I do not know what to do,” and for the first time I can relate. With my own life being physically blocked right now I can feel the frustration of not knowing what to do. What will be fruitful? What will be wise? What will provide for my family?
The thing is no one can have those questions laid out before they start. You do not know how the story ends before you read the book. Such is life. The one thing I can tell you is if you make a movement, no matter how small, in any direction, you will make progress because you will either progress, or end up thinking “No, not that!” and have learnt something. Every day a little something will be built. It all adds up. It all adds up to where you are suppose to be.
I never ever would have thought I would move across the country or leave my salon, but when that Blue Eyed Boy walked in it was love at first sight. I just knew. Being with him has taken my life to wonderful places I never could have known or expected. Wonderful things; and now he is caring for my every need. A committed man if there ever was one! I am a lucky girl, and because I took that chance and left all my friends, family and a town that was a beautiful bubble in the world for a relationship I knew was right, here I am. I never could have told you how I would get here. Actually, I could not have planned it this well, sans the illness!
Just do one thing. Move in a direction. The universe likes to see you take action and it will respond. Remember that a no it not really a no, it is a redirection, to your proper direction. A recalibration towards your yes!
You know what you want. Do not tell me you do not know what you want. You’re a grown ass adult. A child can tell you what they want. The problem is not not knowing what you want, it is not believing you can achieve it, or that you are worthy or capable of it, or that your social structure will allow it.
I know you are enough. How can I know that? Because you are here. That means you have a purpose waiting to be fulfilled. The dream that is within you is the thing you are suppose to do. That dream can and will change and grow and evolve, just like you will.
So please take your able body and live your life. Enjoy your gifts and work towards something that makes you happy. Quit making excuses and staying small; that benefits no one. The world needs your talent, your unique ideas, you.
I am not saying do not be afraid. I am saying be afraid but do it anyways.